After someone you love has died Ā muri i te matenga o tētahi e arohaina nei e koe
When someone has died, you are likely to feel all sorts of emotions. Sadness, anger, guilt, relief and acceptance are all normal. Ask whānau (family) and friends to help, and accept help that is offered.
The first few days
When someone you love dies, there are lots of things that need to happen. There are decisions you will have to make in the first few days. This can be a busy time, and it can feel overwhelming.
It is important to let people know the person has died, including:
- family and whānau
- close friends
- the person's employer, if they were still working.
Check if the person had a will. They may have told you where to find it, or it might be with their lawyer. It is important to find it early — they may have written down their funeral preferences and how they want their body cared for.
Organising the farewell
Organising a farewell involves making lots of decisions. If you choose to use a funeral director, they will help you work through the decisions.
You do not have to use a funeral director — you can organise everything yourself.
Some of the things you will need to do include:
- choosing between burial or cremation
- deciding on a venue and service type
- arranging transport
- creating a meaningful ceremony.
There is more detailed advice to help you with planning a funeral or memorial.
Grieving after losing a loved one
There are many different ways you may experience grief and loss, and different ways of dealing with it. Grief is normal, but it can also be very painful, as you adjust to the loss of a loved one.
The time people spend grieving, and how they grieve, is different for each person. There is no 'right way' to grieve.
Ways of grieving may also vary in different cultures and religions.
Crying and sadness at your loss are normal. Talking with whānau and friends about your loved one can help everyone work through their grief and cope with their loss.
Getting help with grief
Even though people grieve differently, it is important to seek help if you are having difficulty coping.
If you need some support, talk to someone you trust or your healthcare provider. Your healthcare provider will be able to put you in contact with bereavement services in your area.
The Grief Centre also provides loss and grief counselling, resources and support groups for whānau experiencing any form of significant loss.