Grief and loss
Everyone feels grief at some time in their life. Grief is the feeling of sadness and pain you have when you lose someone or something that is important to you. Grief is a natural response to loss.
Causes of grief
Grief might be caused by many things, including:
- the loss of someone you love
- the death of a pet
- the end of an important relationship or friendship
- being forced to give up something you love
- leaving school, university or a job.
Responses to grief
People experience grief in different ways and at their own pace. You may notice changes in your:
- feelings, for example, intense sadness, fear, anger or guilt
- thoughts, for example, difficulty concentrating or focusing, or your mind wandering
- body, for example, headaches or stomach aches
- sleep or eating habits
- activity, for example, changes in your motivation, staying away from social situations or doing activities to keep you busy.
These are all normal responses to loss.
Grief may be particularly difficult for rangatahi. This is because they may already be going through major emotional and physical changes because of puberty.
People who are grieving may be tempted to use other things to help them feel better, including:
- alcohol
- drugs
- food
- sex.
These things might help to numb you and take away the pain for a while, but they do not really help you work through your grief. They can also become problems if you keep using them to manage difficult feelings.
Getting help with grief and loss
There are some healthy ways to help you cope with your grief and come to terms with your loss, including:
- staying active
- getting enough sleep
- eating well and drinking plenty of fluids
- trying to do some of the things you usually do to have fun and relax, for example, yoga, spending time in nature, reading and catching up with friends
- cutting back on alcohol and other drugs.
The websites at the bottom of this page have information and advice about how you can look after yourself while you are grieving. Getting information helps, but it is also a good idea to talk to someone you trust.
Talk to someone experienced who can help, such as your healthcare provider, if you think your grief is:
- overwhelming
- lasting too long
- making you feel stuck.
If it is easier for you to talk to someone anonymously, try one of the free helplines.
Helping someone with grief
If you know someone who is grieving, it can be hard to know how to help them. You might feel unsure about what to say, or afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Helping and supporting them may include things such as:
- maintaining routines as much as possible
- encouraging them to keep up their friendships and relationships
- being honest with them
- answering any questions they may have
- acknowledging their emotions
- being present, willing and ready to listen — let them talk to you if they want to, but do not force a conversation, and get help if needed.