Suicide and prevention

Sometimes life can become so difficult that it all feels unbearable. For some people it can become so intense that continuing to live does not seem possible. If you, or someone you know, is having thoughts about taking their own life, remember support is available. Things can get better, and suicide is preventable.

For immediate help in an emergency

If you or someone you know needs immediate help:

  • call 111
  • call your local mental health crisis assessment team
  • go to your nearest hospital emergency department
  • do not leave the person until they are with someone who can provide support. 

Mental health crisis assessment teams (internal link)

Other support options

Other support options include:

When someone is suicidal

A person who is thinking about suicide might not ask for help, but that does not mean that they do not want it. There are a lot of overwhelming feelings you or they might be feeling, including:

  • intense distress
  • hopelessness
  • being a burden to others
  • unloved and rejected and ashamed
  • undeserving of help 
  • like there is no one that can help
  • feeling very alone. 

Life does not feel viable and there seems no other way out of the situation. 

Talking to someone who is trusted can make a difference. Support from people who care, and connection with a sense of identity and purpose can help. 

Suicide: coping with suicidal thoughts — Mental Health Foundation (external link)

Remember that someone may not want to talk straight away, but keep offering support because that lets them know that someone does care. There may be others who prefer to talk, so help them to think about who that is.

Signs that living may no longer feel possible

Some of the things that might make you concerned for someone are listed below. Trust your instincts and ask questions. It is important to know that often there are no obvious 'signs' that someone is thinking about taking their own life. It is also important to know that people from all backgrounds can find life is no longer viable, and think about suicide. 

You might notice they:

  • tell you they want to die or kill themselves
  • access things they could use to hurt themselves
  • read or write about suicide online, or post photos or videos about suicide
  • become obsessed with death
  • become isolated or withdrawn from family, whānau and friends
  • do not seem to be coping with any problems they may be having
  • have changes in mood — becoming depressed, angry or enraged
  • hurt themselves
  • feel worthless, guilty, or ashamed
  • have no hope for the future
  • use drugs or alcohol to cope with difficult feelings or thoughts
  • lose or gain a lot of weight, or have unusual eating patterns
  • sleep a lot more than usual, or stop getting enough sleep
  • seem to have lost interest in life, or things they used to enjoy
  • give away possessions, pay back debts or 'tie up loose ends'
  • stop taking their medication
  • suddenly seem calm or happy after they have been depressed or suicidal
  • stop talking about problems that they have been struggling with, even though the problems remain.

How to support people

If you are worried that someone is thinking about suicide, do not be afraid to ask them directly if that is what they are thinking. It will not put the idea in their head, and if they are having those thoughts, it may be a relief to have someone to talk to. 

The most important thing is to validate their feelings. Invite them to keep talking, and listen as they tell you about their life and the things they are struggling with. Help them to remember the ways that they have coped in the past and what has kept them going. 

Reassure them that support is available and remember the numbers to call for immediate help, and the numbers for support. 

For immediate help, and numbers for support (internal link)

Suicide: worried about someone? — Mental Health Foundation (external link)

Remember they may not want to open up straight away, but letting them know you are there is a big help. 

Support

The best support are those natural supports from people we trust:

  • friends
  • whānau
  • spiritual advisors
  • community or cultural leaders
  • healthcare providers. 

Remember some of the easy to access support options include:

For help with specific issues

If there are specific things causing distress there may be specific supports that are needed, like:

  • housing support
  • financial support
  • family harm or sexual violence support 
  • gender or sexual identity support
  • mental health support.

It may be that they need someone to go with them to support them to access these options.

Depression.org.nz

Depression.org.nz (external link) includes The Journal free online self-help tool.

OUTLine NZ

OUTLine NZ is for people with sexuality or gender identity issues:

Alcohol Drug Helpline

For people dealing with an alcohol or other drug problem:

Women's Refuge

For women living with violence, or in fear, in their relationship or family:

Shakti

For migrant or refugee women living with family violence:

Rape Crisis

For support after rape or sexual assault call the Rape Crisis line on 0800 883 300

PlunketLine

Support for new parents, including mothers experiencing postnatal depression:

For tamariki (children) and rangatahi (young people)

The Lowdown offers support for tamariki and rangatahi.

After a suicide

Losing someone is incredibly difficult, and death by suicide can be especially distressing and shocking. 

Aoake Te Rā is a free service that provides support to those who have lost someone to suicide. 

Aoake Te Rā (external link)

There are also support groups available throughout Aotearoa New Zealand. 

Community support groups — Mental Health Foundation (external link)

The Mental Health Foundation provides information about suicide loss. 

Suicide loss — Mental Health Foundation (external link) 

You can also find support and information on the After a Suicide website.

After a Suicide (external link)

Dealing with grief 

Dealing with grief is different for everyone. If you are struggling with life also, you may wish to join them. It can feel unfair that they have died, and you have to keep living with the challenges you have both faced. All these feelings are normal. 

If you are feeling distressed you may:

  • think a lot about death and suicide
  • find it hard to concentrate or make decisions
  • feel that you do not enjoy anything anymore.

The Mental Health Foundation has information to support you and your whānau.

Grief after a sudden or unexpected bereavement — Mental Health Foundation (external link)

Healing and recovery 

It will take time to heal and recover. Everyone reacts differently when they lose someone. Seek support from your natural supports. Talk to your healthcare provider or a more formal counselling service if you are not sleeping, or feeling suicidal yourself. 

Dealing with the media

When someone you know has died by suicide, the media may contact you. This can happen straight after a death, or later. It can be hard to decide not whether or not to comment.

Comment or No Comment? Is a guide to help you. It can help you make the right decisions for you and your loved ones, including the person who has died.

Comment or no comment — Mental Health Foundation (external link)

Planning a funeral

There are resources that will help you plan a funeral. 

Funerals in Aotearoa after a death by suicide (for bereaved whānau) — Mental Health Foundation (external link)